15 Day Affirmation Challenge: Day 14 [Self Image]

I am taking part in PE's 15 Day Affirmation Challenge. For more information, click here.

Today is day 14 of the challenge (already!) and we'll be covering the topic of self image. We have already covered physical looks as part of the challenge, however, self image is a more all-encompassing trait which includes the way we think of ourselves as a whole, including looks.

"Identify at least one negative self-belief."

• One nagging thought I've always had in the back of my mind is that I'm not worthy of all the goals and dreams I have for myself, that I don't deserve, that I'm not good enough for them.

"When did this negative self-belief start?"

• As I've written in Day 2's post, I'm not entirely sure why or how I started to think this. I think perhaps it is a combination of several things including my own personality traits, the reactions of other people as well as circumstances and situations in my life. It's difficult for me to pinpoint exactly one reason or moment in my life that led to this, but I would venture to guess that it started somewhere around early teenage hood (as I was a pretty confident child, but things went downhill from secondary school), which grew and grew as I faced certain disappointments and setbacks in my life, especially in my relationships. I began to feel like everything I hoped for, no matter how small, would just not materialize in the way I wanted it to. That led me to feeling like getting anything I wanted was just too good to be true, that only luck would bring me to my goals and dreams. Then there were many times I've faced rejection (many happening in the last few years) which has led me to question my worth, and whether or not I'm good enough, for anyone, or for any goal I want to achieve. 

"Challenge this negative self-belief."

•  Well, it's certainly true that there were many things I wanted that always seemed out of my reach, and that many a time I would be hopeful for a certain outcome, only to have it go poof right in front of me. It's also true that I've had to face rejection several times, especially in the last few years which, among other experiences in university, battered my self confidence. I think the only way for redemption is to change the way I see these experiences. I have to trust that the reason things didn't go as planned was because there was a better outcome another way, even if I don't immediately see what it was. And as for the rejection, perhaps these people were not the right people for me, at that time, or ever. It's difficult to truly believe in your own worth when what feels like the whole world is telling you otherwise, but the truth is these people didn't stop and take the time to get to know me. They didn't know the core of who I am, my likes and dislikes, the deeper side of me. So it was only a shallow rejection. It tells me that they weren't worth grieving over because I was not in their hearts anyway. If someone can reject another based on a shallow perception of who they are, then they aren't worth that person's time or care or love. In the end, love has to come from myself first, and then it won't matter if people are shallow and narrow minded in their rejection.

"Create new positive beliefs."

•  I am worthy of achieving my goals and dreams. I am capable and competent and have the power to make them come true.
• I deserve loving, caring, genuine people in my life who take the time to get to know me. I deserve people who will stick around to get to know the deeper side of me and love and accept me for it.

 Themes of self image and other related things are always difficult for me, which I suppose is an indicator that there is a wound that needs healing there. It's an uphill battle, but I look forward to facing those demons and winning the war.

"I'm perfect as myself."

15 Day Affirmation Challenge: Day 12 [Wealth]

I am taking part in PE's 15 Day Affirmation Challenge. For more information, click here.

Today's challenge is about wealth. Thankfully, up til now in my life, I haven't had to think too much about money since we've been living comfortably on what we have, something I'm very grateful for. However, as a recent graduate looking to get into the working world, I've begun to think more about what it would mean, and what it would take to be financially independent.

"Identify at least one self-limiting belief about money that you have."

• To be honest, I don't have many thoughts about money as an entity. Perhaps the most common thought about money is that it's "evil."
• My second thought might be that I don't know how to make money or make enough so that I can live independently and comfortably, but this is more of a subconscious thought rather than a conscious one (at least up til now).

"Challenge these beliefs."

•  What I really mean in reference to the statement above, is that it can cause people to do evil things (e.g. scam others, be dishonest, steal, lie, cheat etc.) to get more of it. And in this case, it's not the money that is bad, but a person's reaction to it. Having a lot of money is not a bad thing; how you use it is what counts.
• Maybe I don't know right now how to make money, but I can put an effort into learning about the various avenues through which one can create an income, whether active or passive.

"Create new positive beliefs."

• Money is a neutral agent; it is what we make it out to be. It is not evil.
• Earning money is a skill that anyone can learn 

"Identify one positive step you can take towards your financial goal."

• I've had a book called Nice Girl Don't Get Rich for a while now, and although I've flipped through it before, I'll start reading it with intent and learning about the steps I can take to start earning an income. Also, getting a job will be a good start. 

As I said above, I haven't had to think much about money before, but now that I'm going to working soon and earning, I would like to make the best of it, and learn how to meet my financial goals. One of the reasons I look forward to making money is so that I can give in charity, because I believe that this is a very important part of life. Although, no matter what little we have, it is also good to be generous, since by giving, you are earning good :)

"I am financially abundant and money comes to me naturally."

15 Day Affirmation Challenge: Day 10 [Love]

I am taking part in PE's 15 Day Affirmation Challenge. For more information, click here.

Today's challenge is about love. Unlike yesterday's challenge which focused on relationships in the broadest sense of the word, today's focuses on romantic love. I should have known this would show up in the challenge somewhere, ha. Not that I have anything against love per se, but I just have a whole lot of feelings about it, thanks to some previous experiences as well as my observations of relationships around me. Although when I think about it, it's not love I have the problem with, but rather the way some relationships tend to play out. Love in its truest sense is a beautiful thing, but it can become tainted when a relationships lacks other essential things such as trust, communication and respect. Thankfully I'm not in a place where I'm desperate for love but am content in my singleness. Although there are sometimes moments when I wish for companionship, on the whole I am happy to be where I am relationship-wise. But I digress. Let's see what today's tasks are.

"Imagine your ideal romantic relationship."

• My top quality for a future mate is someone who shares my faith. My faith is a hugely important part of my life and has influenced who I am by many degrees. I want to be able to connect with my partner on a spiritual level. Sharing the same faith will allow him to understand me and the choices I make on a deeper level than someone who does not. I want to be able to pray with my partner, and use this to build the foundation of our relationship.
• Effective communication is a must, especially in times of conflict. My past experience with a stone-waller has led me to realize the absolute necessity of being able to discuss and talk about the problems that come up in a relationship. Communication includes both talking and listening. I've realized that much conflict and bad feelings come up because of miscommunication in the relationship - making assumptions, not saying how you feel or what you really think, not trying to understand the other person's perspective, etc.
• Respect. I think this is absolutely necessary in every relationship. I think perhaps people do not always understand the true meaning of what it means to respect someone. If respect is there, a lot of problems will be more easily solved. If you respect your partner, you listen when they speak, you validate their emotions even if you have different opinions, you strive to do or not do things that you know will hurt or upset them, etc. etc. Part of respect is pulling your weight in the relationship and this includes the mundane such as chores and errands.
• I would love to be with someone who is patient, understanding, supportive and gentle. As a sensitive, emotional person, I need my partner to not be afraid of emotion - whether mine or his - and understand that it is part of who I am, the way I express myself and not something to be "fixed" or stopped the minute it starts. 
• Simply put, a nice guy. Someone who is respectful to all, kind, helpful, ambitious but not at the expense of others, and strong in his faith.

"Identify simple steps you can take to make this relationship happen."

• On reading the article referenced, I think the main thing for me right now is to begin developing my whole self, and reaching my fullest potential. Lately I'd had the feeling that it is time to make positive changes in my life (for my own sake) because I wasn't living up to who I could be, and I was just tired of living the way I was. I think finding myself is the first step to finding that person. To be honest, I feel like I haven't made much progress in my self development journey, however, and it's been soul crushing to keep feeling like a failure. I feel stifled by my physical surroundings and in other ways and despite reading many articles on change and making positive changes, I still feel like I don't really know how to make them happen. But I won't give up hope, and will start to make plans for the things I want to achieve in the near and far future. I'm a believer that people come into your life when you're ready, so I'm trying to make myself ready, but not (only) with the intention of love, but with my personal well being at the core of that intention.

 I can write for days on the topic of love and relationships, my opinions of them, how I feel about them, but I think at the end of the day, all I want is a respectful, loving and supportive companion when the time is right. I don't think there is one way or path to finding this person; they are as varied as there are people, and for some, it may not even be guaranteed. But I think the best way is to be the kind of person you'd want to be with, live or at least strive to your highest potential and never forget that the one person who is first worthy of all your love and attention is yourself.

"From this moment on, I'm attracting my soul mate, and in time to come, we'll meet and forever be bound in love and light."

 

15 Day Affirmation Challenge: Day 2 [Self Love]

I am participating in PE's 15 day Affirmation Challenge. For more information, click here.

Today's challenge has to do with self love. I have been procrastinating on starting it because I know it will be a difficult one for me. But it is called a challenge for a reason so I must forge ahead.

I have always struggled with self esteem and self love issues. My whole life I've thought myself to be lesser, not good enough, unlovable and a host of other things related to the way I feel about myself. I don't know for sure why or how this started, but it has persisted throughout my life thus far, even though I have tried before to change my mindset. Over the past few years, I have had experiences which have led me to really believe all that I've been saying about myself. From my last post you would have learned that I struggled socially all through university (which was much worse than it actually sounds), and came back home with my confidence utterly bruised. This, plus other personal issues that I struggled (and still struggle with) simply compounded my negative beliefs about myself and made it that much more difficult for me to believe that there was any reason to truly love myself. 

"Identify any self hating thoughts you may have."

• I'm a loser who can't do anything right
• I hate myself
• I wish I were someone else
• I fail at everything I try
• I'm awkward and nobody likes me

 "Identify the reason behind this self hate."

 As I mentioned above, it's something I've struggled with my whole life, and to be completely honest, I'm not sure why. There have been times when berating myself badly for something, that I've had to literally stop and ask, "why do I hate myself so much?" I think it perhaps is one of those things where little moments, circumstances and situations add up to become an avalanche. I believe some of it has to do with not getting external validation from certain people in my life, perhaps at a time when I needed it most. Then cue a series of disappointing events which make you question your self worth, then you've got the whole mountain tumbling down. This all sounds very vague to anyone reading it, but life is made up of a million little moments, all with the opportunity to either build you up or break you down, and personality factors as well as environmental ones have a lot to do with the way a situation is perceived by a person.

So while I have not as yet solved the mystery behind my self hate, this has allowed me to open up a dialogue about it.

"Change your self hating thoughts."

• Although I may fail at things, failing is a normal part of being human. The important thing is that I have the courage to get up and try again.
• My life may not be perfect but nobody's is.  Perfection is a lie. The ups and downs are what make life interesting and unique. Disappointments show me how strong I am.
• I have a unique set of talents and abilities with which I can carry out my purpose in a way that nobody else on this earth can.
• I am caring, kind and compassionate; a loyal friend to those who take the time to get to know me.
• I am worthy of my own love, no matter how many mistakes I make.

"Identify your action step to love yourself today."

• I'll spend some time in prayer and reflection, thinking about the things I'm grateful for in my life.
• I will dust off the keys of my keyboard (piano) and spend some time playing, as I've been neglecting it for far too long.
• I will get an early night's rest.

Today's challenge was very difficult for me. Self love is a painful topic for me, since I struggle with it so much. There have been and still are so many things I would like to change about myself, in terms of improving my skills, my habits, the way I spend my time, etc. and for a long time I hated myself for it. But I've realized that you can't hate your way to positive change. Change has to come from a place of  love and acceptance. Ironically, we have to love ourselves as we are, accept where we are in life, to be able to make the changes we want to make.

The goal should never be perfection. The goal is to be better than we were yesterday. And that starts with loving who we are today.

"I love myself unconditionally."

Affirmation Challenge: Day 1 [New Beginnings]

Today I am beginning my journey on the affirmation challenge which I mentioned yesterday. Today's challenge is about new beginnings.

"What is one area of your life that you have been limiting yourself in because of the past?"

At first, this was difficult, because I couldn't think of any one specific thing. Then after some thought, I realized there were actually so many things I've held back from doing because of the past that I didn't know which one to pick! Upon reflection, I've come to see that much of it is subconscious; after years of believing that things wouldn't work in my favour, I've tended toward the cautious side in order to avoid disappointment.

In being honest with myself, I admitted that the negative voice in my head was the dominant one, and for many years, after repeated disappointments in various areas of my life, I felt like there was no point in taking risks, trying new things or doing things I really wanted to do because the result would have been the same: it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Since the task asked for something specific, I will use my career aspiration as an example. Currently, as a recent university graduate and on the job hunt, I am considering going abroad to teach English. I am very close to signing up for certification classes - in fact, there is an email in my inbox waiting for a confirmation response from me. However, I've let it sit there for several days now, and I have already missed the deadline previously some months ago.

Why? Despite having studied abroad for four and a half years, I am apprehensive about traveling again, and not being able to fit in with the host culture. My experience during my undergrad was a difficult one, socially, and I came away with my confidence battered, and very unsure of myself in social settings. Additionally, I am afraid that I will not be a competent teacher, and will not be able to make a difference in the lives of those I teach.

"Identify the specific beliefs limiting you."

• I am socially awkward and will not be able to fit in with the culture of any country I visit or live in, as evidenced by my time spent studying abroad.
• I have no teaching experience and therefore will not be able to make a positive impact or be a good teacher to my students.

"Now change this belief."

•  Despite  my experience at university being less than stellar socially, a new country, or new group of people will bring about a new opportunity to prove that not every situation will have the same outcome. I have made friends in the past, and therefore have the ability to make new friends regardless of culture.
• I may not currently have any teaching experience, but the certification classes are all about learning how to be a competent and effective teacher. Additionally, I will have the support of those teaching the course, as well as the main teacher to whom I will be an assistant when hired to teach abroad.

Today's affirmations:

"Today is a brand new day. My past does not define me. The future is mine to create."

Being forced to articulate these limiting beliefs has really opened my eyes to the way I truly think about the situation and the true reasons for my fear. Now that I have explicit knowledge of the reasons behind my behaviour, I can choose whether to remain in fear, or to step out of it, and go after my dreams.

Let's choose to be brave.