20 Things I Learned From a Broken Heart: Part II

This is the second installment of a two-part post. Read the first part here.

Photo by me

• I've learned to be wary of people who think they know themselves completely and are not open to feedback from others. I've learned to be wary of those who feel they don't need the help and support of others. No matter how independent we are, as social creatures, we simply cannot survive happily or healthily without the support of others. None of us will ever have all the answers, not about love, life or even ourselves. Thus, it's important to be open to other perspectives. Beyond that, it's important to let yourself be vulnerable and let your walls down around the people who care about you. It's the only way to form truly deep connections.
• I've learned that some people come into your life as a blessing, but some come as a test. Every single person who has ever crossed your path was put there with a purpose. No matter how brief the interaction, or how painful, they were there for a reason. After a heartbreak is a good time to reflect on the lessons you learned from the experience, or otherwise try to see what good came out of it. In the midst of pain and anger, it can be all too easy to dismiss this fact, as I did previously. However, if you quiet your mind, and your raging emotions for a moment, and open yourself to the possibilities, the answers will come to you.
• I've learned that life is choice. You actively choose whether to let someone back into your life, whether you realize it at the time or not. If you find that history is repeating itself and you're back in the same place with the same person, you can usually pinpoint the exact moment you let them back in. It helps to be aware of your catalysts; sometimes it means making the difficult decision to say no to someone.
• I've learned that even when you're at your lowest point, and hope and faith have all but disappeared, it's still possible to rise up and be okay again, be more than okay again. It's possible to be happy again. You will make your way out of the dark and there will be a lightness in your heart again, even if you can't believe it right now. 
• I've learned that you probably never stop loving him or missing him, at least not for some time, but every once in a while, especially in your weaker moments, it's worth reminding yourself why you made the decision to let go, and reaffirm your belief that you did the right thing for you.
•  I've learned that if he isn't willing to fight for you, then he isn't worthy of your love. There is no simpler way to say it. If he wants to be in your future, he will make the effort in the present.
•  I've learned that my feelings and emotions are as valid as anyone else's and I have the right to speak up when something bothers me. I will not be stepped on. If you are constantly walking on eggshells around someone, or always weighing your words for fear of their anger or disapproval, this may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Depending on circumstances, the best thing to do may be to let them go.
• I've learned that you need to love yourself and respect yourself enough to know when to walk away. What you put up with, is what will continue. If you don't speak up about the way you are being treated, it won't stop. And if talking does nothing, then it's time to walk. Remember your worth. You're worth SO much more than second class treatment.
• I've learned that I'm strong on my own, and I don't need a man to come save me. The biggest lie we are told as females is that we are helpless, and need to wait for our knight in shining armor to come save us. Whether you are in a relationship or not, newly single or perpetually so, you are strong and capable. You are competent and worthy and you have the ability to create a beautiful life of your own. Claim it.

•  I've learned that life is SO MUCH MORE than romantic relationships, and it's such a waste to sit around tearfully waiting for someone to sweep you off your feet. GO LIVE. There's a whole WORLD out there. DO something with your life. Do something for yourself. You're more than worth it.
  
  Sometimes it is the most difficult decisions that lead us to our best selves. In the midst of your pain and heartache, it can be easy to be drawn back to something or someone who is not right for you, just to fill the void in you. But in being still and listening to your inner voice, you will know which path to take. And yes, it will likely be the more difficult one, but the destination will be more than worth it. With time and patience for both the journey and yourself, you will begin to see why it was necessary. Take the leap of faith, and you will be at peace again.

20 Things I Learned From a Broken Heart: Part I

Photo by me

 One night, during a particularly trying time in my life, I was seething about how unfair life had been. I was still reeling from the loss of someone I had given my whole heart to. After years of investing my time, thoughts and emotions on him, I ended up empty handed and hurt in the worst way I had ever known. Frustratedly, I questioned what his purpose was in my life. What was the point? What did I even gain from it all?

What did I gain? As I sat there, that question began answering itself.  I realized that although the outcome was a painful one, there were valuable lessons to be learned from it.

I learned:

• The utmost importance of communication in any kind of relationship. Many relationships break down because of a lack of effective communication. Communication is a two way street, and consists of both talking and listening. If there is a problem, speak up. Not talking about an issue doesn't make it go away; it just builds resentment until someone explodes, at which point it's difficult to take back the damage. Likewise, if someone raises an issue concerning the relationship, listen without judgement, and let go of the need to defend yourself. If you are afraid of speaking up for fear of what the other person may say or do, this may be a sign that the relationship is not a healthy one, and it may be time to consider stepping away from the person.
• The importance of open-mindedness and honesty. This is an extension of the point above. Relationships thrive on trust and honesty. It helps to be honest with the other person, especially concerning the way their behaviour may be affecting you. Open-mindedness in this context refers to the ability to accept what the other person says as their truth, and being able to accept feedback from them, for example, if they were hurt by something you did, don't discount their feelings by saying they shouldn't feel that way. Be humble, take responsibility for your actions, and move on.
• A relationship is a two-way street and there needs to be giving and taking by both parties. If you find yourself doing all or most of the work, then it's time to reconsider your role in this person's life.
• My worth, and how I ought to be treated. Sometimes it takes being treated unfairly to truly realize your worth. Sometimes you need to experience what you don't want in a relationship, before you know what you do want, and what you cannot compromise on.
• It's important to think twice about who you give of yourself to. It should be someone who would appreciate and cherish every bit of you, even your less-than-perfect parts.
• Sometimes it takes a long while to really get to know someone, and most times it's worth the wait, before you decide whether or not you want a future with them. 
•  You can't control what people think or understand by what you've said. And that's no reflection of who you are. You have nothing to prove to anyone, as long as your conscience is clear and your intentions are pure. If someone doesn't believe what you say when you are telling the truth, it's a reflection of who they are and the way they see the world, which is something we cannot change. And it's your decision whether you keep those people around or not. If someone is constantly "misunderstanding" you, misinterpreting you, twisting your words and manipulating you, you are better off letting them go.
• If someone truly cared about you, and wants to be a part of your life, they would make the effort to keep friendship alive. Real friends know the value of the word 'sorry'. I've learned that talk is cheap; if you want to know how someone really feels about you, pay attention to their actions. When words and actions contradict, believe the actions. They speak truer and more loudly and clearly than any words. 
• If someone loves you, they would show it. I've learned to appreciate when people do show gestures of love, and I've learned to wait for the one who is not afraid to show me that he loves me. If you are confused by his behaviours, then he doesn't love you.
• Love knows no reason, no logic, but that doesn't mean it's meant to be. It's easy to romanticize your feelings for someone. For a long time I battled with my feelings, convinced that the way I felt showed that we were "meant to be" despite the (many) odds. I hid behind my delusions until it became so painful that I had no choice but to face reality. It is a difficult and painful task, but you owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself about your situation. It will hurt immensely at first, but in the long run awaits real joy and happiness, and your true destiny.

Read Part II here!

Say Hello to Hope

Photo by me

As humans, we can't escape the occasional, or sometimes perpetual showers of hardship and hurt in this life. Just as happiness is a natural part of life, so is sadness, and in those moments, or phases of our lives, it helps to read an encouraging word or uplifting message to pull us out of the fog. It may or may not solve our problem, but it lends a bit of hope that this season of sadness will not last forever, and we will soon see sunshine again.

Hope. That word is the reason I've decided to start this blog. After my own experience of living in darkness, it was the re-discovery of hope and faith that started me on my healing journey and propelled me to better days. My goal in sharing my words is to spread hope to those who need an extra push along the way, a reminder that they are not alone and in the midst of darkness, the belief that things will get better. 

Additionally, I look forward to connecting with readers with whom my words resonate, and building an open-minded, respectful and caring community.

My posts will be based upon my ideas, beliefs and perspectives which I have cultivated throughout my life thus far. Hence, I don't claim to have all the answers, or even an answer. Instead, I intend to simply bring my own unique voice and perspective to the realm of blogging with the intention of allowing you the reader to perhaps see a different point of view and new way of thinking about things.

I believe in living deeply, truly and authentically, and my posts will reflect that.

I hope you will join me on this journey, as it will be as much of an experience for me as a writer, as for you, the reader.

I look forward to connecting with you all!

And remember, there is always hope.

Peace and blessings.