Wednesday, 24 September 2014

It's Not Me, It's You: On Rejection

Recently while perusing the internet, I came across an interesting article that, funny enough, touched on something I had been thinking about just a day or two before: everybody's least favourite experience - rejection.

Rejection comes in all forms and has happened to just about everyone. It can be overt, or more understated, but it is always painful, and often detrimental to those of us with shaky foundations of self worth.

I had been reflecting on my own experiences with rejection in the social arena - which more often happened subtly - and considering how best to move past them.

For many years, especially while I was in university, I struggled a lot with trying to fit in with certain people, and, on finding that I often couldn't, truly felt like there was something wrong with me. I spent a lot of time bashing myself, telling myself I should have done things differently - I should have spoken up more that one time, or I should have said less the other time. It took much time away from these situations as well as insight from other perspectives to help me come to terms with the way I'd been ignored or brushed aside.

And here's what I learned:

After a long time spent wondering what was wrong with me, I realized that the answer was really just nothing. If you have to fight to convince someone of your worth, then they're not worth it. If someone rejects you based on superficial reasons, then they're just not worth it.

We spend so much time asking ourselves what we're doing wrong, when in truth and in fact, we're not doing anything wrong. If someone doesn't respond to you in the way you would like, it doesn't mean you're not good enough. Sometimes it just means that the connection isn't there. Maybe they're on a different frequency; maybe you're Wifi and they're Bluetooth. Maybe the language of their heart is different from the one you speak.

Still, even after knowing this, it's hard not to grieve the feeling of being shunned, especially if it's someone you adore or look up to. That is the most difficult rejection of all. But the truth is, if these people were meant to be in your life, that connection would readily be there. And nothing you do to change yourself would make it more likely to happen.

Now, you can either mourn that, or rejoice it. Why rejoice? Because it means that there is someone else you will cross paths with who will want to be with you, whether as friends or lovers or a mentor, etc. And these people will be the ones to positively affect your lives. You can't grow into your best self if you're always chasing the people who don't care about you while ignoring the ones who do care and will do so much for you if you let them.

Chasing people is a waste of energy. You will never have to chase the things and people that are right for you.

Chasing brings negativity into your life. Anxiety from trying too hard to be liked, always wondering if you should have said that, done that, worn that. Always trying to think up ways for them to like you, usually ways that go against your very nature. The disappointment that comes over and over again when you realize that nothing you do brings you closer to them.

There is a part of you that knows when you've given too much, only to have gotten little or nothing in return. Listen to that voice that tells you it's time to stop chasing and start honouring yourself and your self worth by stepping away from them.

Let go of those who want little or nothing to do with you. They cannot see your worth anyway.

Celebrate yourself, your uniqueness, your strengths, the good you've done. Reach out to others who see the light in you, who embrace you as you are, faults and all.

Go where you are wanted, because believe me, you are.

Peace and blessings.


Have you ever experienced social rejection - either overtly or otherwise? How did you get past it? Let us know in the comments below!

Monday, 1 September 2014

15 Day Affirmation Challenge: Day 15 [Create Your Own Affirmation]

I am taking part in PE's 15 Day Affirmation Challenge. For more information, click here.

For the last day of the challenge, we are to create our own affirmation - one that is meaningful and special to us. If you have been following my affirmation journey, I apologize for the hiatus, as there was some busyness that took over for a short while. But I am back again and look forward to wrapping up this journey.

Although the task asked that we use one that we haven't already identified during the course of the challenge, I keep coming back to one that I've touched on more than once. And I think the reason for this is that it's the root of my struggles, and hence perhaps the most important one.

"I am worthy and capable."

From an outsider's perspective, it may seem quite simple, or even a bit dull, however, for myself, it is the seed of positive growth and change. When I sit down and think about my struggles and why it's so difficult for me to achieve certain goals I've set out for myself, I realize that the reason is because I don't think I'm worthy of achieving them. Deep down, I don't feel good enough to be or to have good. So I self sabotage, and procrastinate and do all sorts of things that cause me to fail in ways that would have otherwise enhanced the quality of my life.

Self worth, self love, self esteem - as I've mentioned previously in the challenge, these are all things I struggle with, and have done so for a long time. Although I have not yet uncovered the root of this, I now recognize this as the problem. Therefore I see it fitting to start at the root, at the beginning, of convincing myself that I am indeed worthy of all I set out to do in this life.

Above this layer of struggle, lies my struggle with self doubt. Often times I find myself thinking that I can't do something, even though I know this is not true. I consider myself to be an intelligent and thinking person, but somehow when it comes to things I desire strongly, I feel as though I can't do it. I'd like to challenge this belief by reminding myself that I am indeed capable of reaching my goals. There are literally thousands of people around the world doing what I tell myself I can't do, therefore I owe it to myself to try.

I strongly believe that these two things, worth and capability, cover most if not all of my biggest struggles, and therefore, are things I need to remind myself and eventually believe of myself in order for me to reach for and achieve my goals.

Therefore I see it as a fitting end to the affirmation challenge, and a beautiful beginning for things to come.

"I am worthy and capable."